I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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