Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
