I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize