upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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