i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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