Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
