I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
