I just made out with a guy for $7.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
