Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
