Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
