i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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