my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
