Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
