literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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