You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You just made me feel so damn special
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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