You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
