It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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