Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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