Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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