You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I AM VODKA MAN
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
