I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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