He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
