My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
