her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
