Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We need to get me chipped asap
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
