it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
