You're so nebulous sometimes
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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