I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
