I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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