I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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