dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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