You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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