you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
