It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
