Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
