...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
