party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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