You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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