Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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