So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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