he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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