In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
