So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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