I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
