He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
