I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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