There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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