Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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