If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
