You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
