i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
