DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
