Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
