He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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