my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
