My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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