You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
