I didn't shave. On purpose
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
