Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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