just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
