well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
