Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
