At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.