If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.