your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?