The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
