Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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