her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize