You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
