I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need water and some morals
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
