I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
