I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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