Please, let me fuck your mom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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