Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
