I'm really into asian looking animals
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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