weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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