He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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