i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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