bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have post one night stand depression
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