So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
