God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
