she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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