i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
