Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
