HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
