She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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