Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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