The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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