Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
